Long time, no write!
I've been really busy and since I don't have the radio job anymore (where I could play on the computer all morning) I don't ever get on the internet and blog.
I have to talk about the day I had yesterday. EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong.

I woke up. Trees are green. Sun is shining....and it's snowing.
I get to work and my boss tells me that he feels like it's going to be "one of those days".
My front driver's side tire is completely flat by lunch time (possibly vandalism, by the way, but that's a whole 'nother story).
My contact in my left eye fucks up so bad I have to change into my glasses (I never wear my glasses in public).
While changing my contact (in my car) I left my driver's side door open. The wind blows my door into my boss's awesome/manly/sexy truck and puts a nice amount of silver paint on his black.
I go next door to buy lunch, wait 15 minutes for a damn sandwhich (clocked out, by the way) go back to my place of employment...and it's not the right sandwhich. Walk back over and wait another 15 minutes (still clocked out) and get the correct sandwhich where it takes me another 15 minutes to eat and....alas...I didn't enjoy it because I was rushed.
After I get off work and my tire has been fixed I feel that the day will get better. I go visit a couple of friends of mine and we all decide to go bowling.
While bowling...I rip my very favorite pair of jeans from the crotch to the middle of my thigh.

All this in one day.
And it's not Friday the 13th.
And it wasn't a full moon.

WTF, mate, WTF?

Absolutely nothing of importance has happened to me since my last blog.
I don't have to get up early.
Look! it's 11:30pm! Wooo! Do I have to get up at 4:30am? Nope!

Ice cream scooping sucks...and I knew this.
Always stressed about this whole Master's Degree thing/moving out/co-habitating with boyfriend/money.


At least I get more sleep?

If you 've read my blogs, then you know this week hasn't been the best.

This past Friday: Accidentally threw away very expensive retainers that keep the teeth straight.

Tuesday: Lose job. Boyfriend tells me his granfather thinks I'm "not right for him" for plenty of ridiculous reasons. Boyfriend tells me that eventually he wants to move to NY with or without me. Ummmm....damn. I have no desire to live in NYC....he doesn't know this.

Wednesday: My temporary retainer for my upper teeth....broke. Cracked. Still fits in my mouth, but probably isn't keeping my teeth from getting gappy. Find out that upper and bottom retainer will cost $250. Do I have $250? Yes. Do I want to spend it? No.
Found out the Big Guy at work lied to my face. I was told that the other guy I work with is full time and that he needs hours and he's taking my shift and they have nowhere to put me so...so long! Talk to said guy. Tell him that he can have my last two days here for hours. He tells me "I'm full time, I have plenty of hours. I don't need yours." Wait, what? I tell him that I was told that he didn't have enough hours and that's why he's taking my shift and that's basically why I don't have a job anymore. He's...shocked. So...now I know I was lied to.
Boyfriend and I try to spend anniversary chillin' and watchin TV, but his grandfather has a "hot date" and asks us to leave the house for a "couple of hours" (yeah, his grandfather is tryin' to get his rocks off before he croaks...gross...apparently he does this every now and then...'go grampy'!?) and we end up walking around Target for 2 hours. Call him to ask if we can come back...and can't. End up walking around various department stores for another 2 hours because all of our friends are at work or aren't answering their phones. Spending that relaxing time together for one of the un-important anniversaries didn't happen.

Thursday (today): Just got to work. Keeping fingers crossed.

I lost my job today.
TODAY.
4 hours ago.

"Katie, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as you know the AM station is going through a lot of changes what with the canceling of the ***** ***** Show. I'm going to have to let you go. With all of the changes, ****'s hours have been bumped down. He's full-time and he needs those hours so he'll be taking over your 6-10 shift. You're a good worker and I appreciate what you've done, but I just have nowhere to put you. I can't give you the hours. I'm sorry."

That's the best that I can remember it.
I'll be "kept on the roster" if they need me if someone calls in or whatever.

I told him I understood (this is the Big Guy I'm talkin' to) and that I was planning to move this summer and pursue my Master's anyway.
He asks what I'm pursuing.
Communication Studies.
"Wow, you're a glutton for punishment."

Why am I hearing this from everyone? Now I'm starting to doubt my decision to pursue this.
I tell another co-worker (a DJ on another station).
"You're not laid off. They just don't have hours for you right now. Here...(hands me post-it) here's two 4 hour shifts I could use you for. I bet Ed across the way could help you out too. Don't worry, you're not 'let go'. Besides, the Master's is what you should of done in the first place."
f**k you! That just cemented the fact that I really DID dislike him...

Now I'm bitter. I don't want to come in randomly and punch buttons. I've done that for a year and a half now and didn't get anywhere with it. OBVIOUSLY.
Why would I want to keep doing it now.

I talked to one positive person today and she actually told me that maybe this means that I'm really meant to go back to school.

At least I have my ice cream job to fall back on. I just don't know that I want more hours there. That place is teh suck.
At least I don't have to wake up at 4:30am.

Damn....
This sucks...

I get mad at myself a lot. Most of the time, it's for a good reason.
Take Saturday for example.
My man and I are eating some subs at Steak Escape. I had taken out my retainers (yeah...I have retainers) and rolled them up in a napkin.
I THOUGHT I'd put the rolled up napkin containing expensive and very important retainers into my purse...
About 20 minutes later, after I've long left the restaurant, I notice that they're not in my purse.
I pause. Silently curse myself, but stay calm.
I HAD to have thrown them away. I bet a damn dollar (hell, let's go with 20) that I set the retainers on the tray and then threw them out with my leftovers and assorted dirty napkins.
Damn it!
Fuck!
Luckily, I have a temporary retainer (i.e.- uncomfortable) for my upper teeth. Nothing for my bottom. I don't have to money to buy new ones, so I don't know really what to do. The girl that works on my teeth told me to wear the temp. retainer and that if I notice anything different to come in and have new ones made immediately. I can't go through all that hard work and then have my teeth go crooked.
I had braces one other time too, when I was younger. I didn't wear my retainers for a week and when I went to put it back in...it wouldn't fit. My teeth went crooked.
My parents aren't happy, of course, because they paid for braces and retainers both times. This last time WITHOUT dental insurance.


In other news, I had my first instance of my boyfriend being a snoop and I'm surprised I didn't say anything to him.
I stayed with him this weekend, and on Saturday I went to work...leaving my cell phone with him to charge. I get back and he tells me I've got a text message from that ex-guy friend of mine I've had a falling out with (over HIM of course). Then he says, "I see you've gotten a lot of text messages from him. You never told me about them. I mean...I'm not mad...but I saw one dated in February...You just never told me you still got texts from him."
For some reason, I didn't get mad at the time, but now that I think about it...I'm unbelievably pissed off. How stupid!! I should have said something. What the fuck is he doin' going through my text messages?! Fuck that! I trust him and he trusts me. There shouldn't be any reason for him to go through my texts. I don't care that he hasn't paid his cell phone bill in for-fucking-ever and has all of his friends call me to get to him. Hell no. You don't go through my texts. That's for me only.
Damn...I'm pissed now.
It's Monday...is it too late to say something to him?!

I overslept today...for the second time this week.
I just CAN'T fall asleep before 10pm. This doesn't help of course because that doesn't leave me with a good nights' sleep.
I have 3 alarms. They go off at 4:25am, 4:35, and 4:37am. I fell asleep this morning after the last one. I woke myself up at 5:23am (I have to be out of the house by 5:35 or so to be at work by 6am). Mom knocked on my door as I was hurriedly (is that a word?) threw on some clothes.
"You need to set another alarm! You can't keep oversleeping!"
"Mom, I have three alarms. THREE!"
"Is your alarm across your room?"
*sigh*"No...."
For one thing, I don't have any open electrical outlets on the other side of my room. I used to set my cell phone alarm (the second alarm) on a stool far enough away from my bed that I had to sit up and lean over to turn it off. Somehow, that stool has made its way closer to my bed.
Funny thing is that I've overslept 3 times this past two weeks. Every time I've woken up it's at or around the same time. Apparently my internal clock is like, "Damnit, Katie...get the fuck up!"...at exactly 5:22 to 5:23...every time.
I didn't have time to take a real shower, so I feel disgusting...and today is my long day. At least no one cares here. I sit in a room by myself and then I leave.
When I got to work (on time) I put my breakfast in the communal refrigerator and the morning DJ on the Pop/Top 40 station told me that I make him laugh.
Why?
"Because you look like death warmed over every morning."
I told him about my oversleeping. He asked if I took naps when I got home from work. Yes.
How long do I sleep during my naps? 1 to 2 hours.
Do I go to bed when I take a nap? Yes.
That's apparently my problem. I can't fall asleep at a normal time (like, 9:30 would be perfect) because I'm taking naps. I'm going to bed and allowing myself to go through the 4 stages of REM sleep. He told me to take a 15-20 minute cat-nap on the couch with the TV on (gee, a cat-nap to me is like...an hour) so that later on in the evening I AM tired and will go to bed AND fall asleep at 9:30.
I assume he knows what he's talkin' about. He's been the morning DJ (well, one half of a "morning team") for that station since I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL.
Poo.
I like my long naps.

I dread coming into work now. When I first started working at this radio station I was so excited. This is what I wanted to do!! Thank goodness for internships! I'm so lucky!
Well, not anymore. When I started here as an intern I was put on "bitch work". This is also known as running the boards for the John Boy and Billy Show, and nationally syndicated redneck crap-fest. I dealt with it. I learned to go to bed very early and get up early. I hung in there, knowing that it would get better. We ended up getting rid of that show and I was basically out of hours because they had nothing for me to do.
Now, they've transfered me to the AM talk station and I'm now running the boards for a nationally syndicated morning talk show called Don Imus in the Morning (which also runs on MSNBC at the same time on TV). It's only slightly better than the JB&B Show.
I've been here well over a year now and all I've done is work morning shows and I'm finally being paid. I wake up every day at 4:30am (during the week) and drag my un-happy ass in here and push 2 buttons, 8 times an hour, for 4 hours.
That's it!!
That's all I get to do. This other job they trained me one was a morning talk show, but it was completely live and right in front of me. I was the producer for a week. Then they took me off of that because the normal guy got out of the hospital and needed his job back. I loved it though. That's what I want to do! I want to produce...
No...I sit here and "produce" by punching a few buttons and then turn to my left and play online and try to entertain myself with MySpace and Fark.com. For four hours...
But alas. I've decided that I want to get my M.A. in Communication Studies in the fall. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with it. I just know that I need to make a change in my life and challenge myself. My mom doesn't understand it (she thinks that I'm going to hate it and switch to Counseling) and I can't get it past her that for some reason my gut is telling me I should go with Comm. Studies.

I dread coming in to work. I want to tell my boss off because he's so rude to me sometimes. I think he realized he upset me one day and the next day he was up my ass with sweetness...of course. I still can't stand him.

I've talked about all of this before. I've already mentioned that I think that I'm not taken seriously here. I can just barely stand sitting here anymore.
I can't quit. This job is too important. It'll look very good on resume's and I definitely can't burn my bridges. My second job at the ice cream place is going normal. I'd already worked there before and it's just as I remembered it. BORING.
I've only been there a week and I've already "called in sick"...this past Saturday. When I worked there before I NEVER called off so I knew they'd believe me. Of course...I go to work yesterday and they talk about how incredibly busy they were...they day I called in sick. I faked and acted like I still felt bad. Just to make sure.
I'm so bad. I know karma will come back to bite me in the ass. That's what I get. I just didn't want to go!!! Scooping ice cream for people and loud kids that won't stop touching (or even licking!) the damn glass on the ice cream case...is not my idea of a good time.
It's money though.

Le sigh.

Yesterday, I get a call at work from my man and he tells me to call his boss and tell her that he's not comin' in to work 'cause he's pukin' (he didn't have her number, why he didn't just ask me for it...I don't know).
Anyway, later that day I'm takin' a nap before I have to go to the Y when I get a call from him. He says he's on his way to Urgent Care.
"Why?! What's wrong?"
"My eye got stabbed with a metal steak."
"Wait, what?!" (I'm half asleep)
See, the room he stays in at his grandfather's (where he's livin' for now) is not only his room but also a storage/junk room. Over by his TV his grandfather has stored some huge political signs...upside down.
Somehow...he got up to turn off his alarm clock after napping (alarm clock is on top of the TV) and he tripped and stumbled onto the signs (that were next to his TV...upside down) and somehow fell on the metal steaks that stick into the ground...but only...right on his eye?!
Yeah. He fell and the end that goes into the ground stabbed his eye.
What are the odds of that?
He calls me later and tells me that the doctors said he just scratched it really bad.
"Don't worry. It's my bad eye anyway."
(He's pretty much blind in one eye because of some kind of cornea disease that makes his cornea stick out to a point if you look at it sideways).

Yeah. So...that was weird. He's still puky too.

I can't believe myself.
Yesterday, I was at my boyfriends grandfather's house (where my bf lives) watching TV. There were several people in the room so I had no say in what we were watching.
They turned it to the Daytona 500.
I've never really watched NASCAR. If I ever, I only watch for a few minutes to watch for wrecks, which is the only entertaining part (wow! look at me! i can turn left!!)
When it was over...I realized I had just sat and watched the last half of the race without leaving the room or dozing off, etc.
I sat and watched NASCAR?! Did I just do that?!
OH NOES!!
Sadly, the last lap?........ I got into it and got excited because there was a huge wreck and the two crossing the finish line were so close it almost called for a photo finish. Not to mention there was one car who slid across the finish line upside down.

I got excited? I just wanted to die when I realized what was happening.
I don't like NASCAR! I felt like I had just caught myself singing along to a Backstreet Boys song or something.

I associate NASCAR with drunk, pot-bellied, hicks and the occasional fem-mullet. Oh, and country music.
I KNOW this is just a stereotype. But...c'mon. LOOK! That's what I see!
I have never been interested in NASCAR plus...my group of friends and family see it as something back-woods people get into.

I hope I'm not offending anybody. I really don't see anything wrong with NASCAR. I just know that a lot of people are negative towards it based only on the stereotype of who watches/gets into NASCAR.
I know there's a redneck deep, deep, DEEP, down inside me...somewhere. I try very hard to supress it.

I'm so sick of this job. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm also VERY tired of waking up at 4:30am every weekday morning. Like I've said in previous posts...no one takes me seriously here. I don't quite understand why.
I won't be getting as many hours as I have been the past week or so. I was trained on a new morning talk show because the guy that usually does it was in the hospital. He's back. There goes the nice paychecks.

I think I've made my decision about getting my Master's. I think I'll do it. It's gonna be hard, but I know this'll be a challenge and maybe it'll be a good experience.

I've been taking step aerobics twice a week for about a month now plus I've seriously changed the way I eat.
I've lost one pound.
WTF, mate?

I was awakened last night by a phone call. It was my ex- guy friend. I silenced it. I don't know why he's calling after so long.
Did I talk about this in a previous post? I don't think so. Maybe I did.
Anyway...We had a falling out in November over my boyfriend. He said that my boyfriend was a piece of shit and I decided I didn't want to hang out with him if he was going to constantly talk shit about my boyfriend to my face. We had been inseperable for about 5 years. I haven't seen him since Christmas and I'm actually ok with it. My other friends think that he had a thing for me and that he was hurt that my boyfriend replaced him as the "main man" in my life. I think he needs to just come out of the damn closet and then get an attitude change. He's snotty. But I miss that he constantly made me laugh.

My boyfriend got me a dozen roses and some chocolates, plus dinner. I said a few weeks ago, "Aw. For Valentine's Day I want chocolate, and roses, and dinner, and stuffed animals..." I was really just being silly. I didn't explect all that. I told him I felt bad because after I said that to him I said, "You don't have to do all that for me. Just dinner will be fine." Well, he got me the roses and the candy and the dinner. I felt really bad because I knew that took up a lot of his paycheck. Dad got on to me. He said he wasn't surprised because he said that when women say 'no' they really mean 'yes' in some situations. So...he's saying that when I mentioned all those things I wanted for V-Day and then told him not to get me...I was really hinting that I DID want all of that stuff.
Whatever. Not this time. Of course...I appreciate it greatly.

I start my second job at the "ice cream place" today. I worked there for about a year and then the people I work for now tell me that they'll be giving me a full time gig. THAT never happened. So now I'm back with the "ice cream place" for extra money. I like working there because it's really easy. You scoop ice cream for people and make fudge brownie sundae's. How hard is that? I'm not excited about working with a bunch of high schoolers though. I don't miss that part. I just roll my eyes at their gossip and outrageous stories of stealing their dad's cars and taking them for joyrides.
Whatever, kids. You lie to make yourself sound cool.
Well, at least I'll be entertained with the latest high school gossip.

Yes. I have a fear of the future.
I'm afraid of the struggles that will make me stronger.
I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of getting stuck in impossible situations.
I'm afraid of hurting those who I love simply because I've made wrong decisions.
Life changing? Probably.
Being indecisive doesn't help. Being confident in my decision and then to be brought down by reality is a bitch.

Sometimes being strong is hard when deep down you're weak.

My boss made me cry on Friday.
Yeah. I'm a bit of a puss, but if you actually yell at me...I will break down and cry. I really don't know why...

I feel like I may be over-reacting. Most of my friends have told me that I'm not and that I should talk to him. Well, this is how he is:
He's arrogant. He talks down to me all the time. He makes me feel 2 inches tall and like a complete dumb-ass. He's even made fun of me.

One morning I was very sleepy. I had maybe 2 hours sleep because the night before my boyfriend had an asthma attack and instead of taking him to the hospital he begged me to go to all the local Rite-Aids to look for an over the counter inhaler. ANYWAY, I was tired. When I told him this (which I hadn't told him about my boyfriend and our bad experience the night before) he said, "AWWWW. Did you stay up all night partying? Do you have the flu?"
WTF? I told him "No, I almost had to take my boyfriend to the hospital last night. He didn't have an inhaler and was having an asthma attack." He had the nerve to ask why he didn't have an inhaler.
Whenever I make mistakes, he acts like it's the end of the world.
If you read a previous post of mine I wrote about how he got on to me being late when there was 7 inches of snow on the ground and he knew I am phobic about driving in bad weather. "You knew it was snowing. You should have taken the back roads instead of the interstate." AND "You should have left earlier." If you didn't read that post...I did leave earlier. The interstate was an ice skating rink.
On Friday I had said that I thought it had been a long week. He said, "'Cause of your white knuckles?" Apparently, that day I was late and the bad weather and the fact that I'm apparently a 'white-knuckle driver' makes it a long week for me.
And then, he made me cry. I made a SIMPLE mistake. I fired off some commercials 30 seconds too early by accident. As soon as I pushed that button he yells, "NO NO NO!!!" and then "What are you doing? You just went 30 seconds early!!!" I immediately teared up. I let him fix it and then I turned my back to him so he couldn't tell. I don't think he ever noticed.

If I try to say something to him I know he'll use his arrogance and I'll lock up and not be able to back myself up and look like a dumb-ass. I wonder if this is something I should go to his boss to...

I'm sick of feeling like I can't do anything right. I'm sick of people not taking me seriously here.

Just thought I'd make an update about the meeting with the University professor...
So I went (and somehow miraculously found a parking spot right on the street in front of the building) and met with this professor...and he's nothing like I'd imagined him. You know how you talk to someone on the phone or email someone you've never met in person, and just by their voice you get a mental image of that person? Well, he's nothing like the tall thin, dark-haired, young, northern I pictured. He's short, kind of stubby, and grey haired. A little on the weird side too.
Anywho...
He started off by asking me what I wanted to know. I told him how I was interested in getting a Master's in Comm. Studies and that I was just wondering what I needed to do to get that ball rolling and, also, what kind of jobs to people get when finishing this degree. He did answer my question, but dammit, wouldn't you know by the time I left I'd completely forgotten what he had told me? What I DID learn on my visit was that he was very interested in me applying for a teaching assistanship if I were to pursue this degree (it made me feel like maybe they didn't have anybody yet and he was desperate!). If I did apply and get it then I would have to teach two lower-level Speech classes a semester and they would not only help pay for 2 years worth of tuition, but I'd also get a $6,000 stipend ($6,000 divided by 9 months = $600 a month!!).
I got real excited then. Although, that's nothing to write home about, it would help me greatly! If I go to school full-time plus teach two classes then it's gonna be super tough to have a part-time job. I'd be stressed beyond belief! I'd be too busy for a job. So...with my boyfriends job plus the stipend...I'm hoping that it'll be enough to pay rent and live off of. Albeit it wouldn't be a really nice apartment, but something that's safe to live in, but cheap.
Mom's worried because she knows that I'm also interesting in Counseling. The deadline to apply and be sure to get in is February 15th. I still have to take a GRE and apply...so there's a very slim chance there that I'd get into that program. PLUS, I wouldn't be able to do an assistantship with that program because there are no classes that I can teach. This means that I won't get part of my tuition paid for and I also wouldn't have extra income from a stipend.
*sigh*
I guess I'm "sleeping on it". I took a nap yesterday and I slept about 6 hours last night...so...
UGH! I'm scared! What if I make the wrong choice?
Here I go again...
I wish I knew there was a sure sign. Something that was...neon...and read "KATIE! MAKE THIS CHOICE! THIS ONE IS A BETTER DEAL."
I'm leaning towards the Comm. Studies. I can tell you that right now because of the stipend. I'm really interested in that field! Yet, a long time ago I was just as interested in Counseling. Counseling is harder and would take longer and would cost more money. I might MAKE more money when I'm done with that, but money doesn't really matter to me as long as I'm able to feed myself and get my car from A to B and that I'm happy with what I'm doing.

On a strange note...
I had a dream about this guy I went to high school with. I never really talked to him, but whenever I spotted him on campus after high school he would always say 'hi' and ask how I was doing. Throughout high school I always thought that he was a cutie and he was definitely hilarious (class clown pretty much). He was popular, so I didn't really ever know anything about him. We never really interacted.
Yet, I dreamed we were going on a date. I had a ton of fun and we were BOTH excited about it. For some reason, in the dream we were having a conversation about the upcoming date that we were going to have. He seemed to be excited to get to know me.
Usually when I have dreams about people, I know why. If I dream about someone it's because I happened to think about them that day or I even talked to them that day...
But...this guy? I haven't thought about him in AGES!
Hmmm. Strange.

Today I'm supposed to meet with a professor at the University and talk about possibly getting my Master's in Communication Studies.
I did some searching online and found out that, apparently, Comm. Studies is a very general, and common, degree. I found a question and answer page on Yahoo! where someone asked my question and Yahoo! members answer. They basically said that it's "too general" and that it's basically worthless.
I know not to take to heart what random people somewhere out there say about Communications. Basically, they not only put Comm. Studies down, but Communications in general too.
I really enjoyed getting my Bachelor's in Comm. I've done my research and I'm pretty sure I want to continue with Comm. Studies. I'm reeeally interested in those courses offered.
I'm nervous too. I talked to this professor over the phone to get directions to his office. He sounds like he's from the north. Definitely. No WV accent detectable. When he sent me an e-mail he asked me why I didn't go for Journalism. As I said in a previous post...I don't like Journalism. I've never been interested in it. I didn't tell him this, but I'm sure he'll ask me again today in person. I got this feeling like he was going to talk me out of it (?)

I know that if I get this degree I could have a broad selection of jobs to choose from. I'm afraid that this profesor isn't going to like my answer if he asks 'why I want to go into Comm. Studies'. My honest answer? I looked into it and realized that I'm extremely interested in learning how people communicate with each other in a day-to-day basis in different situations. I'm excited about it! Call me a dork..if you will! Is this a good enough reason to pursue a Master's in this subject?
I believe so.

It snowed 7 inches last night. The worst snow in a while I think. It wasn't nearly this bad last winter (damn global warming, I'm sure).
My car is NOT made for snow...or rain for that matter (Mitsubishi Eclipse).
I got up early this morning, knowing I'd be a granny on the road.
It took me about 10 minutes to clean the mountain of snow off my car, plus another 5 just to get out of my driveway. Had to take a "run-and-go" for the road (oh my do I hate "run-and-go"s).
The roads were bad.
I'm on my way to work (reaally slowly) and I call my boss to let him know that I'm on my way, but I'll be late, because the interstate is pretty bad. He told me that up head the interestate was closed. I said, "Well, do I get off the interstate, get back on, and go on home?" (pwwease?) He says, "Oh no. Just get off and come the back way..."
Fine. Whatever.
My hands are shaking as I drive and I'm suckin' down a cigarette like it's my last. I see up ahead that the interstate is open (unlike what boss said). He calls as I reach that point to let me know they've re-opened the interstate. He says to take it slow and safe (my flashers on and going 35 in a 70 zone is pretty safe to me).
The intestate was just a layer of packed, slick, snow.
I'm coasting around a curve (on a bridge, by the way) and all of the sudden...my car decides it wants to go sideways. I try...but to no avail. I just let go and let my car turn completely sideways. I close my eyes for a second for sure that some guy in a big Dodge Ram goin' 50 is going to obliterate me. Someone (yes, in a truck...so easy for them!) barely clips me as they roar by. The small SUV behind me kind of runs into the concrete barrier (um...oops) and then drives on. I turn my wheel and get over the mound of snow back on to the interstate without a major incedent.
About a mile or so down the road...it happens again. Only this time I can see headlights through my windshield heading straight towards me. I'd pretty much turned myself around so I was facing traffic! I sat there...my flashers still on...waiting for the traffic to avoid me. I realize I'm going to have to reverse myself back onto the interstate.
Why?! Why does my boss think this is just no big deal? It's 6am. The roads obviously haven't been treated well or they're so far gone the salt trucks have given up in this area....
I back up once I see the coast is clear and make my way again...going 20mph now.

Yeah. I made it to work...15 minutes late. My boss said, "You should have left earlier."
I did. Albeit only 25 minutes earlier than usual...
"You knew it was snowing, you should have taken the back roads and not the interstate."
Oh...I wanted to squeeze his head like a monstrous zit...
How was I supposed to know that the secondary roads were going to be any better?!
This morning was just a disaster.
If I could afford a new car, I would totally go for something that handles well in snow and rain. Not a sports car. My car is already paid off, so to my parents, there's no reason to get another car ( I know...).
I hate my car now. Hate it with a passion.
I'm already planning on getting a Master's which I'll have to take a loan out for I'm sure. I'm planning on moving out on my own for the first time (scary! bills!).
There's no way I could afford a car payment.
Ugh.

I graduated college this past December. Like many others my age...I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
At first I thought, 'Well. I don't have to get a Master's. With the field I'm in now...they prefer that I have OJT instead of learning it in the classroom.'
Now I don't even know if I like what I'm doing. My mind is constantly racing. Am I doing the right thing? What do I REALLY want to do? Should I get a Master's? Where would I go?
Over the past couple of weeks I've been looking at local Universities and looking at their Graduate cirriculum to see if there's something there that really interests me...career wise. I love radio, but as of right now I'm not really going anywhere with it. I know what I really want to do and that's production, but I won't get to that point for a long time. I know I should give myself some time...
I had someone tell me that I'd be better off getting a Master's now instead of waiting. True.
Having a Master's makes me more "qualified" I guess. Plus, I could get it out of the way quickly.
The one place I want to go has nothing that I'm interested in radio-wise. I shudder at the term "Journalism". I'm sorry. I just hate it. I have no desire to work for a newspaper, or a magazine, or for a television station. A radio station? Of course. I definitely wouldn't want to report either. Deadlines make me queasy...
I'm looking into "Communication Studies". All of the courses look very intersesting. I'm supposed to go meet with a professor at that University on Thursday. He's supposed to tell me what kind of jobs I can get with that degree and where I would head after that. Hopefully it's all interesting.
I would have to move though. Commuting a half-hour every day would kill my car as it's got too many miles on it already. My boyfriend said he'd move with me. It would be the first time for me being out of the house (yes, I still live with the parents) and the first time living with my boyfriend.
Then I'll have to worry about finding a job to be able to pay rent and that is flexible enough to be able to still go to school.
He mentioned a teaching assistantship. That means they could pay for part or even all of my tuition if I taught a lower level class (probably in Comm.). Wow. That would be crazy. Me? Teaching college students? Whoa. But hey, if it pays for at least half my tuition....? That means not that big of a loan for me!!

This is all very exciting and very stressful at the same time. It's a major change in my life. I just hope I'm prepared for it.
Might as well live and take a chance, right? What can I lose?

I thought my Saturday was going to go smoothly, but it definitely didn't.
I get a call from my boyfriend and his voice is shaky. I ask him how he's doing and he said "I'm not okay." He was crying. I asked him what the matter was...and he told me that the love his life (not me), his one and only, his dog...Delilah...was hit by a car about 20 minutes before and has died. I was crushed...he was more than that. He was pretty damn upset. Bawling his eyes out. All I could do was say 'I'm sorry'. I don't handle situations like this very well. I don't know why I don't. I just never can find the right words to say...and when I do say something it's so trite and cliche.
I started crying too. That dog was mine as much as it was his. I was her mommy. I couldn't get too upset because, again, she wasn't mine.
They tried to get her to the vet ER, but she died on the way...in his arms! How shitty is that? He loved that dog more than anything in this world. He said that part of him died with her. He said he didn't know what he was going to do. She sleeps with him every night. She's always there to greet him when he gets home. She was his baby.
He had so much bad luck with her. I hate to say it, but he didn't have business getting her in the first place. He couldn't afford to take care of her correctly. Don't get me wrong...she was pretty healthy, but she wasn't fixed. She hadn't had all of her shots and she probably needed some ear mite medicine. He couldn't afford any more than food.
She was expensive too. When she was a puppy she fell off of his bed and broke her right (?) leg. It was a hanging joint and they said that they could amputate and she'd live a healthy life or put a metal rod in it (more expensive) and she wouldn't live as long (because of possible complications). My boyfriend chose to have her leg amputated.
She was the coolest three-legged dog ever. She was fast too!!! That one front leg was pure diesel! Oh, and her face was constantly sad. So forlorn. But she was happy...just a sad face (part dachsund/part beagle).
I will miss her. He's a little better. The Super Bowl took his mind off of her, but he keeps mentioning how he can't believe that she's gone and that he just wants his dog back. The day it happened he had to work. His family convinced him to go so that it would keep his mind off of it. I went and picked up the dog and took her to his mother's house to be burried with all of the other family pets up on the hill. THAT was weird. She was in a trashbag (hell no I didn't peek!) and she was way heavier than I remembered. I refused to put her in the trunk (is this grossing you guys out?) so I put her in the passenger side floor (she always rode in his lap in the passenger seat). I didn't watch the burial, but I did find her favorite red bouncy ball and had that ball put in the grave with her so she can play with it in doggie heaven.

It is weird not having her around. I'm upset that no one stopped.
Of course not. No one gives a rats ass about animals anymore. The way I feel about animals...is that I would treat them like I would a child or another human being. Animals mean so much to me and the definitely have feelings and, honestly, they're smarter than most of us think.
So screw the person who didn't even stop and check around to see who the dog belongs to (it was right in front of the house). I hate people like that. At least try. Bastards.

On a lighter note....YAY COLTS!!!

If you read my previous post...I ranted about how I'd stupidly hit the back arrow and my wonderful blog disappeared into...wherever.
I'm going to try to re-write it from memory (how it's failing as I get older...maybe not because of age ;-p).

Today was a gloomy, snowy, Friday and I had absolutely nothing to do. My days are usually empty. See, I work in radio and I have the early morning shift (Mon. through Fri. from 6-10am). I'm done with my day at 10 in the morning! Of course...I have to be in bed by 9:30pm to get a decent amount of sleep. I don't have a life during the week.
When Friday rolls around I'm actually excited to be able sleep in on Saturday, go out with friends, etc.
But today (and like many other days) I noticed that I have a lack of people blowin' up my cell phone. No one ever does. My boyfriend works around 6 days a week and always in the evening.
My best friend had a baby 4 months ago and just moved in with the love of her life, so...she has no real time for me. We both enjoy each others' company (even if I'm just sitting there watching her feed the baby while chatting). Simply spending time with her is a treat. Yet, I feel like I'm always imposing because I'm usually the one to initiate a visit to her apartment.
Other than that...all I have are acquaintances (sp?) I recently had a falling out with my best guy friend. We were inseperable for 5 years practically. We knew (well, still do to an extent) each other inside and out. Once my boyfriend and I hit the 2 year mark and he moved closer to me (lived about a half-hour away) we spent more time together. This, apparently, made my best guy friend a little frazzled (damn...we saw each other every day!) He proceeded to stop calling me and about a month of him giving me the silent treatment he told me that he thought my boyfriend was a piece of shit. Now...I knew that my guy friend didn't think too highly of my boyfriend, but I didn't know he felt THAT sour towards him. This bothered me. He thought we had repaired things since we were talking again...but I approached him with the fact that I didn't want to hang out with someone who thought my boyfriend was a piece of shit who did NOTHING to him. My boyfriend liked him and was comfortable with me being around him.
Ugh. So...to shorten this all...we're not really speaking anymore.
So that leaves...a pretty small pool of people who seek me out for chilling, shopping, hangin' out, etc.

I feel so...in the background.
At a party? I'm a listener. Maybe it's because all my life I feel that when I talk no one listens. My mom's side of the family (except for my mother) have a knack for interupting me when I'm trying to talk like I'm not even there (it's a weird phenomenon). When I'm in a crowd of people I try to add in to a conversation and no one seems to notice. Yeah, there are occasions where I'm paid attention to...but...I don't know. *By the way...I'm not an attention whore. I kind of like being the quiet one...until someone points out that I'm not talking*
I tried to make friends with this girl I met at school. She's fun, loud, spunky...and damn...can she talk your ear off. We hung out once...but to my dismay I didn't really want to see her again. She's a great girl...but my side of the conversation through our whole day of shopping was..."uh-huh".
I figured it out! I'm the "uh-uh" girl.
So...I have no desire to hang out with her because when I talk to her...it goes in one ear and out the other and then she's started off on some rant about...something not really interesting to me at all.

Anytime I'm invited over to see a group of people, or I'm at a party, I have this need to walk in with my head held high and be the one to smile and greet everyone I see. I do that...but I'm not flamboyant about it. I want to carry on intelligent conversations with people and I want people to be like, "Oh, let's go talk to her..."
God. I sound so...needy.
I don't want to be the life of the party. I just want people to remember me as being a cool chick. Right now...I'm just the "uh-huh" girl and so-and-so's girlfriend.
I want people to dial my number because they want my company.
I've tried so hard to make friends, but at my age, it's hard. I'm not saying I'm "old". I'm definitely not. I'm out of high school. Out of college...I'm in the real world. It's an age where people have already developed those close bonds and aren't really searching for someone new to develop a close friendship with.
I guess it's just a phase.
I hope.
I'm tired of being the one who's initiating or seeking out. Why doesn't someone else seek ME out?

Sorry so sappy and whiny. I try not to do this. It's just something I've pondered all day.

So I wrote out this nice long "first real blog". I previewed it...
Then accidentally hit the back arrow.
Now it's gone.
I spent 20 minutes on it.
Now you all won't know... :-(
I'm seriously pissed.

This is my first entry here on Blogs4Me.com.
I tried another blog site (which, by the way, I did like), but I decided to take it down for personal reasons. I wanted to get away from all of those "friends" that were reading my blog everyday. Don't get me wrong! I'd love for people to read my blogs...but these "friends" are people I knew in real-life who could read my blogs. They'd really be getting into my business.
Of course there was online drama. I didn't start it, but it was there. I tried so hard for there not to be internet drama, but it happens. Some bitch'll take a very vague entry the wrong way and start shit.
So high school.
Again, if you're reading this...good. That's why I'm starting one up again...in a whole new place. I want to share my experiences with people. Now, my life is probably a tad-bit boring, but I never lie.

This blog is intended for anyone to read.
In this blog I will write about what's going on in my life.
Happiness.
Sadness.
Anger.
Everything.
If you don't like it. Don't read it. I'm not here to entertain people.

Pics coming soon! I'm at work :-/